24 Hour Vegan French Silk Pie

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Ingredients

24 Hour Frenchie Pie

There are few things more perfect than chocolate. But perfecting on chocolate is, well, kind of the best thing ever.

When I was a kid, French Silk Pie was my favorite dessert, favorite pie, and favorite chocolate concoction.

When I became an adult and a person who read ingredients on labels and recipes, French Silk Pie turned into something that was really, really bad for you. Sure, it still tasted good. But 12 eggs? Really?

So I gave up my favorite. It wasn’t hard. But it was a little sad.

Then I discovered the magic of silken tofu. From there I recreated my favorite dessert and in all honesty it’s better than any of the pies I had as a kid. NO restaurant can match my french silk variation.

In fact, it was aptly named 24 Hour Frenchie Pie because, well, it never lasted more than 24 hours. Two people devoured the pie in less than 24 hours. EVERYTIME.

Nice.

And it’s not a heart attack in pie form.

I recently took a look at pre-made frozen French Silk Pies at the grocery store and they now don’t just have 12 eggs, they have mass quantities of hydrogenated oil inserted with chocolate flavoring.

So unless you make your own chocolate egg pie, it’s more of a frankenoil pie. Not sure which is worse. Depends on how you look at it…

Ingredients needed for the pie:

2 boxes of Mori-Nu EXTRA FIRM silken tofu (brand matters people)
1 12 oz. bag of Ghirardelli semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 teaspoons of vanilla (more or less, depends on your mood, also almond extract gives a different flavor if you’re into that kind of thing)
1 oz. of white soda (diet sprite, fresca, my favorite diet orange cream, oh yeah and hansen’s key lime, grapefruit, or whatever you want but I’d stay away from cola) you are mostly just looking for a little carbonation so go nuts!
A splash of soy milk. If you use regular cow boob juice I’d probably skip this.

Crust info:

Almonds, walnuts, graham crackers, oreos, or your choice of crust ingredients
Sugar
Earth Balance margarine

The crust is a crapshoot. I mean really you are just adding a different texture. I have made it crustless. So you can choose to buy a premade crust or make your own. I’ve also just lined the pie pan with graham cracker crumbs, or almonds.

crust

I’m not gonna go into details here. I mean this is crust, not rocket science, or really any kind of science.

Now for the fun part, the guts of the pie.

Place your tofu, vanilla, soda (and soy milk if you’re doin’ it) in a blender and start mixing. It helps to break up the tofu because unless you have a Will it Blend, well it’s a pain in the ass. I don’t have one, so it’s a pain in the ass for me.

liquids in with tofu

Once your tofu is a smooth consistency place the chocolate chips in a sauce pan and melt those suckers down. I used to melt them in the microwave, but oddly semi-sweet chocolate chips cause lightning in microwaves so I switched to the stovetop. I don’t have any science to back that claim up. But it happened.

melting chocolate

Be careful not to burn your chocolate. That is sad.

Once your chips are liquid, scrape every last drop into the blender with your tofu.

pouring chocolate in

Blend the shit out of it. Until everything is a nice chocolate brown color.

blending chocolate

This takes a while unless you have a Will it Blend. If that company wants to sponsor 24 Hour Frenchie Pie, I’d be happy to take one of those off their hands…

Pour that shit in the pie crust.

pouring into crust

NOT all of it, because you want to lick out the blender jar. It’s better when it’s cold, but when is chocolate NOT good? Never. The answer is never.

save some to lick

Okay so now you’ve got a choice to make.

Whipped “cream” or not.

Me, personally. Not a big white fluff fan. But some people are.

Cool whip is nasty. Pretty much all whipped toppings are nasty. But there are some worse than others.

But I of course like the vegan variety. It does take some training of the taste buds to enjoy it. So do what you gotta do. But naked is always totally awesome.

Don’t forget to smooth out the top to make it less ugly to whoever seems to care about the levelness of your pie.

make pie pretty

If you want to eat it sooner than later put it in the freezer for an hour or two. Otherwise put that bad boy in the fridge, wait about 4 hours and then eat the shit outta that damn pie. Without feeling too guilty.

pie