Should I Jump an Old Horse?
Rider Age: 31
Hi Frankie. I have just acquired an old hunt horse. I don’t know his full history, but I’m told he has a heart of gold and just started acting up on the hunts. I was also told not to jump him. My vet came out last week and injected his hocks and said this week I could jump him. So, what should I do? Should I jump him or not?
The Frank would like to know what this hunt horse of yours hunted. See me, the Frank, as with most equids, likes a good carrot hunt. Then there’s them damn fruit trees. I mean, a good pear tree is most definitely worth a hunt. A long one at that.
Somethin’ tells me, what with the instructions and biped historical documentation, that this here horse was not hunting anything that grew on trees. Amiright?
So, it’s fair to say that this here newfangled equid of yours, Megan, might just be up for lots of stuff that don’t got nothin’ to do with huntin’ down bipeds’ mystical enemies. We equids are a little more realistic of what we should be chasin’ after, and I think if you tell your newfound friend that there’s some pears out there, he’d be more than happy to jump a few fences to get there. That’s just the Frank’s opinion anyhoo.
If your vet says “try jumping,” go for it.
Do Horses Have Hipsters?
Rider Age: 38
Hey Frank. I’m stuck at a hunter barn, doing hunter things. I don’t mind, I guess, as long as everyone stays chill about it. But I can’t get over the hipster aspect of the hunter/jumper shows; it’s getting worse. So, my question, do you horses have hipsters in your scene?
Betsy, my friend, the Frank has one word for you. Handmade.
Like you bipeds guilty of “Brooklyn-stylized hipsterness,” hipster equids also flaunt their faux quirkiness with precocious, handmade, and vintage wear.
Mostly, you see hipster horses reppin’ their handmade shoes, old school rugs, or mares with the anti-roll bar.
I blame bipeds for that last one.
Luckily my lady, she don’t do that hipster nonsense. Well, she dresses me up alright, but I can’t blame her. She thinks everyone’s cold all the time. Guess that’s what happens when you freeze your ass off up north for too long. She also once drove a hybrid car, whatever that is.
Luckily, the Frank ain’t got any hipsters in his barn right now. Mostly I’m surrounded by podunks, to be honest.
A hipster horse: they’ve gotta be out there.
Why Don’t Horses Jump Out of Their Pasture?
Name: Brian N.
Location: Closer than you think.
Rider Age: Legal
Hey there, Frankie the horse, I’m Brian. My wife has a horse and she does barrels. Or I think that’s what she does. There are barrels in the pasture and she jumps over them. Anyway, I got to thinkin’ that this horse of her’s jumps them barrels no problem, but the wire fence we got up around the yard is the same height as the barrels. Why don’t you horses jump out of it? I mean you can, so why don’t you? Seems kind of dumb if you ask me.
Hey there, Brian. Not weird at all that you’re writing to a typing horse, huh? Not weirded out by that? No? Good for you, Brian. I’m glad you’re comfortable with the Frank.
The Frank would like to point out that us equids aren’t just jumpin’ barrels and fences all over the place for shits and giggles. Nope, most times, we equids do jumps and other feats of athleticism as a kindness to you humans. Even when we enjoy jumps and other feats, thing is, Brian, we mostly like to just chill out. “Take ‘er easy,” as the biped saying goes.
If we were jumpin’ fences all over the place all the time, well, what would that get us, huh, Brian? A broken leg? No access to the food or water you provide? A lost shoe?
Honestly, I thought about jumping out of my pasture once or twice. You seen my videos, right? I can jump the moon. But with no lady on my back, what’s the point?
Horses don’t jump out of pastures for many reasons: mostly, they don’t need to jump out of their pasture.
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