Days of our Equestrian Lives
posted by citizen.K on Sunday, February 28th, 2010 / 
Print & Hang in the Barn
Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our equestrian lives.
Seriously. Why is it that there is so much drama in the equestrian world? My husband thinks it has something to do with the large amount of women involved. I think he is right. What is the point of the drama and who gains from the drama?
I think people like to create drama to feel important. It’s just like the hypochondriac horse owner in some ways. They are center of attention when there is a problem.
Create a problem, a story, something juicy. Poof, everyone is listening.
I feel lucky that the barn I am at now is…80% drama free (maybe 75%). Not too many people are talking behind anyone’s back. No one is trying to one up someone else. It’s great.
One of the reasons I got burned out showing was because of all the drama. Every time I was out at the barn, I was hearing about how so and so is sleeping with the trainer at this barn or that barn OR so and so’s horse is lame (always said with a giggle). Other days it would be what horse is stopping and why and this person that used to ride at the barn had this or that bad thing happen. All of it was crap.
It was even worse at the shows. You run into someone and they are trying to dig up dirt on someone in the barn or someone who used to ride at the barn. I don’t have dirt. I stay out of peoples personal lives AND no one really has any dirt. Believe it or not, most people aren’t that interesting NOR do they have anything going on that is worth talking about, in secret!
I didn’t want to hear about someone’s bad round and the reasons behind it because I knew it probably wasn’t true and honestly, I didn’t really care.
Even when I was confronted with information, good or bad, on someone I did have an invested interest it (rode their horse, didn’t like them, did like them), I gained nothing from talking about them without them around OR without the facts.
To became good at avoiding the equestrian soap opera star, I’ve developed myriad tactics. Example:
THEM: “Hey, did you hear about Nancy’s new horse?”
ME: “That’s a really great shirt you are wearing.”
THEM: “Oh, thanks, you like it? I got it from blah, blah, blah…”
…and that became that. If there is one thing horse people like to do better than gossip—it’s talk about themselves.
Another problem I have is I am terrible with peoples’ names, even people I see on a daily basis. I can remember horses names no problem. Maybe this was a learned behavior, because shrugged shoulders are very good at helping to combat a gossip queen. When they spot you and want to tell you something three people before her made up about someone else, they generally start out with that persons’ name. When I respond with “who?” and they try to jog my memory, and I respond continually with “who?”, they seem to get irritated and move on to someone who is going to help build the story the gossip group is working on.
Don’t get me wrong, there is a lot of weird stuff that goes on in the horse world. People buy and sell horses for various reasons and for crazy amounts of money. People get screwed both ways. People have bad rides that can take a few months to get over. People make bad decisions, and, yes, people sleep with people. Riders change trainers, trainers change barns, horses change owners, championships change names, people hate people, people like people. Sure, it’s all very soap opera like. But not all that interesting to tell you the truth.
The people that make up stories or build on truths are definitely the saddest of the equestrian soap opera actors. Because their lives and their riding is really that pathetic and boring that they have to make up stuff about others just so they have something to talk about with their horsey “friends”. What they don’t realize is that it just makes them look stupid.
6 Responses to “Days of our Equestrian Lives”
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March 2nd, 2010 at 9:11 pm
Your blog is by far the best one I’ve come across so far. I love how you get straight down to the point, and just tell it how it is. Barn drama is without a doubt the most annoying, and pointless thing to me on the planet. Glad to hear someone else thinks so too
March 13th, 2010 at 10:46 pm
I agree with your post 100%. People just aren’t that interesting, even when they think they are. I would be very pleased if your readers could post additional strategies on how to avoid getting grilled without coming across as rude (or completely stupid). I am a compulsively honest person, and I often end up getting sucked into things. Not so much the soap-opera stuff, but helping to diagnose lameness, training advice that I should be paid for, etc.
It’s just not in my nature to shut people down, so it’s hard to me to play along with the “I don’t remember anyone’s name” game.
Thoughts? Thanks!!
March 15th, 2010 at 3:26 pm
First I want to say I loooove your writing and always want to comment but never do. This one I had to speak my mind. I have run into so many problems at my barn with drama, soap opera, and just mean spirited people this article really hit home for me.
I have only been riding for a few years and I am young (22) so I started late because my parents didn’t want to pay for it. I finally was able to get into a barn to clean while going to school and then work off lessons. That turned into buying a green horse (who I love btw) and going to horse shows. The barn I am at is an A show barn and most of the people didn’t really talk to me much because I am considered more of the help than a boarder.
Because they thought of me as the help I heard all the gossip. They weren’t afraid to talk in front of me because I think they think I am stupid or something. Even at the horse shows, when I’m all in my show clothes they talk like I’m not even there. The worst part is they talk about each other and as soon as one walks away the next person shows up and they talk about the person who just walked away.
They are so nice to each others face, but just plain nasty behind their backs. The interesting thing about it all is that my cheapo green horse has turned out to be a little fancier than anyone had thought (or I guess I wouldn’t have gotten him for $750
so we ended up doing really well at the horse shows and suddenly I exist. But I don’t want to because they are all nice to me and talking to me and I know they are saying really nasty things behind my back.
It makes me want to move but I have a great situation that I couldn’t get anywhere else.
So I read this article over the weekend and tried the change the subject thing and I couldn’t believe how good it worked and you are so right that they just want to talk about themselves.
Another thing I am going to try is whenever they say something nasty about someone I will try my hardest to say something nice about the same person. It’s just some of these people really don’t have any nice things about them.
Sorry for rambling, I just hate drama!
Thanks again and I would really like to hear other peoples experiences with barn drama and soap operas.
June 14th, 2010 at 11:45 pm
I have been riding practically my WHOLE life and there has always been drama. Except for when I worked on ranches with real cowboys. Every barn I’ve ever ridden at has drama. I can admit that, when I was a teenager, I got caught up in it. Until one day when someone walked in the tack room when I was talking about them and they caught me and I was so embarrassed I never did it again. Now I mainly just listen to other people. I think that everyone needs to vent every once in a while and I am completely comfortable being the person that everyone vents to because I am really good at keeping secrets. Luckily, I’m at a barn that is completely full of people who are not in my discipline. My barn is a Paint/Quarter Horse circuit barn and I do jumpers. I don’t think anybody spreads rumors about me because I’m not in competition with them. I think gossip is a passive-aggressive maneuver designed to eliminate one’s competition without using one’s own merit to do so.
I think, if you’re a good rider, you can beat everyone where it counts–in the ring. If you’re a mediocre rider with low self-esteem, you make other people feel bad in order to prop yourself up.
I would also like to point out that there is always one person in a barn who seems to hate everyone and have no friends and it baffles me why they don’t just move. Jesus, if you hate your barn THAT MUCH, then leave for god’s sake!
I feel lucky every day that I am at the barn where I am at because I can ride without feeling threatened or worried. If I need jumping lessons, I haul out to my trainer’s for a day and then come home and do my own thing. If you’re a competent and capable rider, I highly suggest this option. I know I will need to move to a barn with more jumps and a bigger arena someday, but I think it will be an eventing barn so that I can stay as far away from the H/J people as possible.
July 6th, 2010 at 10:47 pm
Well, I already sent you my views via e-mail, and am continuing to enjoy your blogs being a new reader and TOTALLY trying to avoid packing my entire house for the move to Florida. Maybe it’s the say what you mean, come off a bit rough connection, but I think the same darn way!
I got ya’ there. Get to know me tho’ and well, I’m just cool with a great heart.
What I want to know more than anything. In the equestrian version of your little soap opera here, is the filming just as bad and cheesy? I’m totally getting the BAD acting, the horrid filming, the whole nine yards. Perhaps we should should start a whole new daytime drama with a nice NEW twist? Horses, hay bales, and snarky women! Hella!
You are WINNING woman. So bad ass.
July 28th, 2010 at 3:21 pm
Great post!
My barn is also about 80% drama-free, and it’s a relief!!