Dressage Queens
posted by citizen.K on Wednesday, April 16th, 2008 / 
Print & Hang in the Barn
Now, there are a lot of snobs out there. The hunter/jumper world is full of these snobs; people who wear a horse more than ride a horse; it’s the image, the status, the gobs of money everyone knows you have (or at least spend) on one of your bigger accessories, the horse.
Dressage Queens definitely stand alone in their ability to be not only the most obnoxious of all “horse” people, but also the most annoying, egotistical, and often inadequate said “horse” people I have ever dealt with.
My definition of a dressage queen: A woman who owns a horse, usually a nice horse, that is too much horse for her, she has every accessory known to riding, and has every excuse, besides her inability to ride, for why her horse is not going well.
How to determine if your barn has a dressage queen:
When you show up to a barn and there is a loud voice, this is your first clue that you might be approaching a dressage queen. Once you get closer to that loud voice, look for manicured nails, the second sign of a dressage queen. Don’t listen to what the voice is saying, you might get sucked into an hour long conversation you never intended on being a part of, the third sign of a dressage queen. Look for the tack trunk the loud voice is going to, if it is filled with every color pad, matching polo wraps, at least 10 different brow bands, or basically a well stocked tack shop, that is your fourth sign of a dressage queen.
Excuses and drama are a fifth and final guaranteed sign of a dressage queen.
Next, see if she rides; you will find that if she does mount her horse, it won’t be long before she’ll screech with terror about her horse’s terrible “problem” usually associated with not moving off her seat, her leg, not being round, not coming through from behind - none of which is rider error (of course), always a problem with a) the footing b) the farrier c) the vet d) the trainer e) the turnout. Excuses and drama are a fifth and final guaranteed sign of a dressage queen.
There is no way to deal with a dressage queen. You cannot claim to speak Spanish; she knows Spanish so she can scream at the help. German won’t work either; she may have even learned so she can schmooze with the German dressage clinicians. Pretending to suddenly become deaf will not shut her up; she doesn’t actually need anyone to be listening for a reason to talk. Sympathizing with the dressage queen will only make her worse and she will end up misconstruing anything you say and spread some gossip about you throughout the entire area horse world. You can’t complain about her, even though most everyone else hates her, she probably pays more than anyone else in the barn, so she’s not getting kicked out. You basically either have to shut up and keep focused on what you are at the barn to do, or you need to find a different barn.
Don’t be afraid to leave your barn. If a dressage queen has infected your barn, know there is a barn free of evil (you might have to look VERY hard). There is no other escape but to leave. You and your horse will be better off.
8 Responses to “Dressage Queens”
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April 20th, 2008 at 11:46 am
I’m an event rider and have gone to a few dressage barns for clinics and I just thought all dressage people were like this!!!!LOL
April 20th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
I find anyone who has a horse that is too much for them and cost a lot of $ no matter what the event whether it be dressage, eventing, hunter/jumper, barrel racing, reining, western pleasure, etc. are like this in one way or another. The horses tend to be too clean - at least in my opinion for everyday living- and not allowed to be a horse. My first dressage queen experience was with a bunch of Saddle seat riders and Western pleasure riders. They all hung out together, liked to gossip about others, complained daily, gave advice when not needed nor asked for, never entertained their horse’s problem might be a fault of their own, and seemed to have every horse accessory known to man. It is rather frustrating to b around these types. I tend to say “Hi” and be polite and try to avoid any other kind of interaction with them as it never has turned out well for me in the past.
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:23 am
TRU DAT HOMESLICE! I was hacking a horse in the indoor yesterday and some dressage rider was also hacking and I thought I heard her say something to me (an easy mistake when your name ryhmes with “Hey”, “Hay”, or “‘K”) so I replied “Did you say something?”. BIG MISTAKE. She somehow interpreted my reply as “I would now like an improptu dressage lesson from YOU” and began to instruct me on how I should push the horse I was riding (an overweight Percheron/TB/Akal-Teke/Quarter Horse cross) deeper into the corners to make “box turns”. I said “Yeah, I don’t ride dressage, so I don’t really care about box turns.” And kept riding. She apparently didnt hear me. She started calling out for me to turn at certain letters. So I started messing with her. When she said go left, I went right. When she said diagonal, I did circles. I even started jumping over the jumps I had set up. She didn’t shut up for 15 minutes even though I tuned her out after 2. Then, after I was done riding, she free lunged her horse in the arena (against the rules because we just got awesome new footing) and her horse dropped a GIANT deuce in the washrack and she left without cleaning it up. NICE! I tattled on her. Stupid crazy biatch. And her horse is ugly too. And fat.
May 11th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
LOL! I’m still laughing. By the way, I DO love dressage!
May 18th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
ouch……but not always true….focus and talent are out there…. but not disguised by bling browbands and stirrups….that kind of DQ is talented…and the type of sovereinty that reigns the dressage arena without calling attention to herself…..except by the numbers she walks away with written on her testbook scores….
June 9th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
LOL! I’m totally a hunter jumper queen. I can ride though, but I have all the gear and sometimes I talk too much
I’m also nice to the barn help. So maybe I’m not a queen, more like a princess :p
July 9th, 2008 at 4:03 am
Great, I’m a Dressage Queen? Come on , ok I have countless number of “pad with matching polo wraps, at least 10 different brow bands, or basically a well stocked tack shop” but then again: there’s no drama! I’m riding, I’m not complaining about everything, I do not have problem with my horse. Any, honestly!
Wait, is it because previously I was Jumper? God dammit! I’m not a Dressage Queen after all?
Can I be at least Dressage Princess-Queen to be?
:D 
Great text! I love it!
August 13th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
I hate people that are like that. Stuck ups, they only make excuses for there poor riding, god it gets on my nerves.